The Gap

Dan Sullivan, founder of The Strategic Coach, spelled out a concept he called "The Gap."

Here's how it works.

Imagine that you are about to launch your sailboat from the shore, and head out on the smooth ocean in front of you. In the distance you see a thin line, where the sky and earth appear to meet. You are looking at the horizon.

Hours after you set sail, you look ahead, and still the horizon appears as far off in the distance as it did when you began. Is this worrisome? Of course not. When we were young children, we learned that the horizon is a mental construct. The earth and sky do not actually meet, but we can all communicate about the apparent place where they meet because we share this mental construct. When we are sailing toward the horizon, we measure our progress by how far we've come from the shore, which is a real point, and now how far we have to go to reach the horizon, which is a shared fiction.

In other contexts, however, we can mistake mental constructs for realities, and this can cause a world of trouble. The ideal is a mental construct, just like the horizon. It does not exist in reality, and it always stays a safe distance away, even as you move toward it.

Many of us set up our lives to bring us closer to our ideals. We strive for the ideal body, to be the ideal parent, spouse, child, friend, sibling, employee, boss, etc. We reach for the ideal income, house, vacation, etc.

In and of itself, this is a good thing. Like the sailboat heading for the horizon, having a direction to head for keeps us going. But, where we run into trouble is when we measure our progress by how far we are from the ideal, rather than how far we've come from the point where we began. The distance between where we are and where the ideal (horizon) is is called The Gap, and it's a discouraging place to live.

Think about it. Point A is where we start as we head out to pursue our ideal. We make it to Point B. The ideal stays out there. It appears as far away as ever. If we always measure ourselves (or our partners, children, friends, employees) by The Gap between us and the ideal, we will always be dissappointed and frustrated. If, however, we judge ourselves by turning around, and measuring our progress based on how far we've come from Point A, we can lead much happier lives. Measure progress, not perfection. Celebrate your progress. Then turn around again, with the confidence you've gained from the progress you've made, and head back out toward the shining ideal once again.

This concept has made a big difference for me. Always a perfectionist, I still slip into this mindset occasionally. Two years ago, I left my job to pursue an International MBA. My "ideal" of that experience involved learning the ins and outs of business, acquiring a slew of interesting, international friends, becoming bilingual, and naturally connecting with opportunities to pursue a fascinating and rewarding career.

Today, I know much more about business than I did, I have met the person I'll spend the rest of my life with, I email with friends and acquaintances on at least four continents, I am proficient in French, and can also communicate a bit in Spanish, and I have several good possibilities for the next phase of my career.

Is this my ideal to a tee? Of course not. The ideal has moved, morphed, and will always be more perfect than real life. Do I still forget that sometimes, and slip into The Gap, where I'm frustrated and dissappointed by the things that didn't happen? Sure. But, armed with the knowledge of the Gap, I can recognize when I've let my mind wander in there, and remind myself of my progress, then head back to pursuing my next ideals.